In 2002, I experienced a wake up call with reality. It was determined that I was very ill. My specialist did not hesitate in telling me that it was most likely a brain tumor...a very large one at that.
I recall thinking,"Do I really have time for this?" I do not have time to be sick...I have so much responsibility to attend.
I had witnessed too many times, in the faces of patients I had once cared for, the look of grave devastation when receiving bad news about their health. It seemed rather odd to appear on my face. I quickly reminded myself that I simply do not have time to be ill, much less die from a massive brain tumor.
Complete utter denial. Case closed. This disposition appeared better than living scared everyday that I will die. Where was that nurse that had once helped so many face bad news? I recall I wasn't interested in giving up...but rather immediately more concerned about those I would be leaving behind. Facing your mortality will give anyone a new perspective. It is the individuals we leave behind that have motivated me to start blogging a bit about my observations of life itself.
Gee 'sh, what was I waiting on?
'Love isn't Love til you give it away." Right?
Eight years later, I am dealing with a very different person inside myself. Today, I do not fully understand why I dodged that potentially fatal bullet... except it grounds me in humility everyday; kinda felt like getting my wings trimmed, yet still left me able to fly...maybe just not as high.
If anyone had told me I would be doing what I am doing today,thriving again and pursuing even more dreams in my fifties then I would have thought you were half a nut short in your fruitcake. I was one of those that said, "I do not have time to blog."
I threw the blogging business into the My Space category- I did not need either of them. They could have their space...I would just sit peacefully over here in the global space and continue my study of the sciences. As I began to respond to a new doctor(the 6th), and a new prognosis, the cosmos sent out directions; grateful I was sitting so still I could listen. Perhaps that is the intention of illness.The information sent had nothing to do at all about sitting still!
Life had pitched me a lethal ball alright and I took a hard hit. BOOM! Physically,mentally, spiritually and emotionally I was absolutely exhausted before I turned 50.
There I was...ousted off the Hamster Wheel of Life . I heard, "Take two and call me in the morning" from doctors.
Silence. It was quite surreal and definitely unmistakable...I was lost in life and would have to fight this battle all on my own. Welcome to the hazards of life.
So,where's a road map when ya need one?
